Friendships are hard. Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. Whether you’ve been friends for decades or just last week started becoming more involved in each other’s lives. It’s easy to take our friends for granted. It’s more than likely something you do every day. We don’t truly get to appreciate how much we love our dearest friends until something goes amiss.
Until we: experience loss, things aren’t going our way, they try to tell us something we don’t want to hear, our pride takes over, jealousy takes hold over our heart, we simply have gone too long without each other, we have nothing in common but we’re in too deep. If you can overcome these obstacles, then you’re the kind of friend we all crave in our life. If you’re the kind of person who continues to pursue our hearts in the dark times, in the times of disagreement, or the times that we truly just want to be alone… you’re one of a kind.
I can honestly say in the twelve years that I was in the school system; I only kept 4 of my friends. As approaching the end of my last semester in college, I’ve only kept 3 friends throughout this journey. If your circle is small, this is normal. If you feel like you put in more work than your ‘friends’ are worth; you are not alone. If you feel like, time and time again, your friends let you down…welcome to the club. In this season of building relationships and being able to establish who your friends are versus who is a simple acquaintance- we must persevere.
Putting false hope in something or someone when the Lord has other plans is pointless. Looking for friends to fill a hole of loneliness is a void that only God can fill. Asking friends to be there for us in the middle of the night when we feel broken or as if we cannot continue on the road we’re on. Relying on friends to make us feel whole is when we start to feel that we’re alone, that they aren’t a good friend, they don’t care about us enough to comfort us, or the best one- why can they not just provide me what I need to hear.
We are meant to be in community with one another so that the Church can thrive, yes. We are human and want others to care for us. These are natural desires; however, these are needs that we have to look to Jesus for. Friends who do pursue you and your needs like this are unique friends and hard to come by. Do not let them go.
It’s when we don’t get the responses or the reactions we desire that our friendships seem to dissipate. Our anger, pride, jealousy, and resent set in. We become bitter to those who were once near to us and wish they could see things from our perspective. In some cases, we can reconcile the offenses and continue on in our friendship. In other cases, we must set our pride aside and move our hearts to humility to salvage what is left of our relationship. Sometimes, we realize that this relationship isn’t going to be the same and we may as well part ways. All of these outcomes are normal, but personally, I strive to put my pride aside, reconcile, and make amends…but as my previously stated record goes to show-this rarely works for me.
Although it can be hard, if this task is too much to bear; we need to ask ourselves if this person is toxic to our life. I once was told that a ‘friend’ can bring detriment to us and our mental health. We shouldn’t take this lightly- I will write more about mental health and self-care in the future but I’ll leave it at that for now.
We have to consistently ask ourselves if these individuals are in it for the long run or if they’re on the friendship bandwagon for just a few months. Find your people, find your forever friends, don’t give up on them. If you think that maybe you don’t have forever friends, I’d invite you to pray for them. Ask for someone likeminded, caring, and rooted in God. I guarantee our Lord will not deprive you of this great satisfaction of having a true friend.
Olivia Been. Early twenties. Aspiring event planner and lover of all things floral.